Honestly I think I have wandered to this location before. I think it is time I just discuss some of the things that have happened because I tried to push myself after the maximum stress load at work.
- I felll asleep with the oven on again.
- All my tech is dead. I charged nothing last night.
As a result of trying to push myself too hard. I actually set myself back. I need to stop doing this…. It’s fine my parents made me go-getters but all I do is go get myself hurt. Trying to volunteer + Work. I have never explained what was my last straw with volunteering + work. This was it. I push myself too hard and it becomes a deadly incident. Whether a website startup, Kingston Pride or anything else. I should not look for side jobs. I have no energy. I could get hurt.
Recently I even dumped a guy? Cause I did not have the energy to take him on. Outside of work? I have had the energy for nothing and I have to report at this time I do not see this improving. This is why I have done so much to shrink my personal life in the last 2 years. I have been working and there is not much energy for anything else. However people will continue to push you for your time unless you explain with intense Hostility your time is not available. Which is what I have been doing.
Family also has never fit into my work lifestyle. They take up large amounts of time, it’s often uninteresting. Sometimes I don’t get to say what I want to. Sometimes depending what they are going through? They can actually de-motivate for my current job. Again I don’t think they have ever wanted me to pen to paper this, but they will never fit into my life with a full-time job. They have always been just too much of a pain in the ass. I actually went as far to describe to my father. https://www.quintecremationservices.com/memorials/marilyn-deroy/5743033 How often Grandma Pat would become work on top of work. That if I had worked more full-time in my twenties? I just would not have been around all that much. Cause they are a job on top of a job. I don’t want to restrict how intoxicated I get, what I say and do. That’s what my family wants. It actually takes a lot of energy to do this. I don’t know if it is always worth it.
I tried to go out for drinks? I became disoriented along the way. I do everything alone in life. I have to begin accepting certain reasonable limitations to myself.
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